Hi there,

last class was all about language of persuasion. I think the most important thing about persuasion you can apply in communicating (besides mastering the techniques of persuasion yourself) is to recognize when somebody is trying to persuade you. When you recognize this, you are able to consciously take the appropriate action and choose right. Continuing the series of funny exercises, I will try turning on my persuasion radar in every conversation I am going have before next class and see, if this has any effect on my behaviour or decision making.

We did some simulations in debates with relatively easy topics, which actually mostly turned into conversations with two different points of view. To access the video I recorded, please drop me an email to forename.surename@tut.fi (name can be found from participant list of the course moodle page).

I don't really mind that we didn't try to 'out-argument' each other in the simulations, sometimes it's much better to look at the issue with open eyes and not judge some particular point of view. From my own experience I can say that Dale Carnegie, Author of How To Win Friends & Influence People, is perfectly right when he states that ''The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it''. The reason is simple: you can't win an argument, because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you happen to win it, you lose it as you are calling someone wrong and their resentment towards you and your ideas grows, therefore resulting in contradictory views.

There are also many other invaluable lessons to be learned from Dale concerning debates and negotiations. Just to shortly list a few ideas:

1. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
2. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
3. Begin in a friendly way.
4. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.


If you want to learn more from Dale, feel free to search for a book looking like this:

Looking forward to see you next week!

During the second lesson we got right into action, simulating a negotiation on a large oil trade in groups of 4 students. The premises were pretty strict and during the second phase of negotiation there was new information appeared for both parties. In a real life situation I guess there would not have been a way to find a deal between the seller and the buyer. This simulation though was more about learning to share and gather information. We had an open and kind atmosphere during the simulation, and I would not mind negotiating with our counterparty in the future :)

From theoretical point of view, an integrative approach should have been used, since the negotiables were valued differently by the buyer and the seller in the simulation. Integrative approach allows value creation by deciding on the negotiables according to preferences and priorities of both parties. Distributive approach is used when it's possible only to divide a cake of certain size between the parties. However, in business-to-business negotiations, one must take into account that there might be (and usually will be) business to conduct with the counterpart in the future. Therefore it is often beneficial for both parties to make deals in a way that allows the growth for both businesses in the long term.

For effective negotiating, one needs to be good at pitching and presenting his ideas and opinions. Listening is a key skill: the more information you can grab the better you can adjust your negotiating strategy and form the content of your proposals. Reflecting on my own performance yesterday, my view on my greatest weakness in negotiating was confirmed: I'm easily persuaded out of the boundaries I've decided to be the absolute minimum I'm willing to accept. I might overvalue pleasing other people in negotiations, or fear that I am going to lose a friend if I don't agree to his or her terms. Well, as I am now on the right course to become a better negotiator, I will set a goal to eliminate this weakness :) One way to do that would be turning into this kind of object:

                                          (Sheela Sharma/National Geographic)

At least I imagine it would be hard to persuade a rock!

For the next lesson, I am planning to prepare by observing body language of the people I will meet during the rest of the week. Every time there is a situation that even slightly resembles a negotiation I will carefully watch what kind of posture the other person takes, how he moves his hands, how intense eye-contact he takes etc. By doing this consciously I might learn a trick or two and even if I can't immediately make useful conclusions, this exercise is going to be pretty fun!

                                         Image from www.theartofliving.com.au

Greetings!

This blog will work as my reflective learning diary during my journey to mastering negotiation skills. I will also share some useful resources that I (hopefully) find during this journey, and before each contact lesson I'm going to describe how I'm planning to prepare for the next topic. I encourage my fellow students doing the same, or alternatively finding their own preparation method!

Bearing in mind that negotiation skills will come handy in any walk of life, I will constantly trying to apply new skills that I learn in my everyday communication. Besides studying this topic in University I'm taking on a project on the area of personal development, in which I will try a slightly different approach (getting better at communicating with people in general). Since being truly enthusiastic about the topic you're trying to get better at will help immensely in learning, I might as well start consciously observing myself in negotiation situations I find myself in all the time!

The first preparation plan for the next contact lesson comes here: Take a look at the topic of the lesson, and think what would you like to learn about that topic. Then set ONE goal for learning, and see if you can achieve it during the next contact lesson. Actually this plan could apply to all of the forthcoming contact lessons ;)

And since I fancy reading inspirational books, here comes book tip of the day:

See you next week!